Thursday, August 24, 2006

I Am A Frickin' Genius

I have thought up a Plan for building a bipartisan consensus on an issue of national importance. Here's how it goes:

Single, affluent people have to pay significantly higher taxes than married people with the same income, right?

And there's nothing Republicans like better, or care about more, than cutting taxes on wealthy people, right?

Okay, now, follow along with me here. Ever since a Supreme Court decision in the nineteenth century, we in the US have had a legal principle called "corporate personhood"--corporations are literally viewed by the law as people.

So, let's say you're single, and you want to pay fewer taxes. Why not form a small shell company, incorporate it in Delaware or Nevada, and get married to it? It is a person, after all. And, I mean, it's pretty good setup, when you think about it. Not only do you get a nice fat tax deduction, but your corporate spouse will never leave the toilet seat up, or complain about it if you do.

But there's a problem. You see, right now, this marvelous tax-saving opportunity is against the law. And why? Because of a bunch of pesky government regulations that define marriage as being a union of "one man and one woman".

I know that all Republicans will stand with me as we fight to end this injustice. Rich single people need our help! People's money is at stake!

Deregulate marriage now!

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