Posted 08:29 by Evan

So I thought I'd post a little rundown on the sequence of emotions and thoughts that run through your head when you get laid off, if you're me:

Phase 1: Temporary stupidity
What the fuck? But... but... My fifteenth anniversary with the company is next month! They couldn't have waited a month for my anniversary?! I want my damn fifteen year plaque!!

Phase 2: Brief return to rationality
Boy howdy, that is a reeeeealllly stupid thing to be thinking about at a time like this. Come on, Evan, get your eye on the ball. Better read all this stuff about severance.

Phase 3: Fullblown jitters
Wait a minute, I can't follow this. What did that last paragraph say? [Reread paragraph] Wait a minute, I can't follow this. What did that last paragraph say? [Reread paragraph] Wait a minute, I can't follow this...

Phase 4: Denial
Say, I'm surprised I'm taking this so calmly! Wow, look how calm I am! I'm so calm!

Phase 5: Giddy fretfulness
Might as well start calling everyone I know who has a job in Santa Cruz and see if they can get me a job at their company! There is nobody hiring in Santa Cruz. Might as well call anyway! Give up, you're gonna have to commute. Maybe my friends who are doing the startup will get funding soon--I know they'll hire me! Oh yeah, there's a good decision--plan your life on the basis of some venture capitalist's whim, very bright.

Phase 6: Anger
You know what? That present they gave me after we shipped the last release sucked. It SUCKED! That present was a fucking INSULT! Fucking fuckers. Fuck.

Phase 7: Bargaining
Wait a minute. There is no possible way this company is going to get along without me. I'm the only one who's been here long enough to remember why things are done the way they are. I'm the only one who knows how the packaging and installation code work; they won't be able to ship the next release wihtout me. This is a completely stupid decision. They'll have to change their minds. Maybe it would help if I offered to take a pay cut and work a four day week...

Phase 8: Manic activity
I'm gonna work on my friends' startup project--the sooner they have a working prototype, the sooner they get funding, and the sooner they get funding, the sooner they can hire me! Oh, I should also work on the open source PPPoE implementation I started a while ago! Say, wouldn't it be neat to build a solar oven for the back yard? Hey, I know, I'll start a blog! Maybe I should update my resume or read the severance paperwor... naaaah.

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